I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
