I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
