It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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