when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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