She is in my trunk
you guys were way drunker than both of me
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
