It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
