You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
