And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
