How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
