If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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