You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
