I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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