STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
