I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize
