better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
