If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
