just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize