hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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