do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We got so high we made milksteak
you will always have a special place in my vag
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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