I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
