her vagine was all disorganized.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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