Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
