I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
