i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
