I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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