how can u be prego again
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
