every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
