And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
How external is "for external use only"?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
