giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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