i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just gift wrapped bread.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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