Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
