My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
