Can i not drive my cunt home
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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