just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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