dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
3pm strippers are depressing
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
