I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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