Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
