I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
