5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
