3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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