Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
