We're facebook friends in real life
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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