i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
