I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
