she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
