the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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