i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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