Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
