I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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