I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
