2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
4 words: hood of his car
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
