So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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