How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
