There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
