it wasn't lemon gatorade
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
