I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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