What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
