Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
