I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
