Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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