Kareoke will never be a sober sport
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
