If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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